false alarm. still invincible.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
