Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Randomize
