Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
