I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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