when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
