we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
