I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Operation Purity has been aborted
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
