There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize