Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
