If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
