making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
