Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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