you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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