Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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