i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
