Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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