i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
