Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
