So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
