Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
