In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He did a backflip because drugs
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