Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
foreskin is a definite game changer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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