My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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