Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
