I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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