I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
