We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
