i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
