I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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