Don't make out with my wife yet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
