i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
