I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
