I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just want to make out with him forever
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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