I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just found puke in my bra..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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