how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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