At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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