So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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