Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize