You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
