Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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