someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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