I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
