sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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