I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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