i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
