can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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