Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My dick has a subreddit
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
