How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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