that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
