Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
