oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
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