You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
