So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
