Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
