Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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