I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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