Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wear drunk well.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
