her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
