I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize