I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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