what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
