If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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