...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
