Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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