So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
