So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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