I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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