the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
