i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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