her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
