so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
