The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
