Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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