just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
