I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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