So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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