New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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