I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
