and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
