Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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