Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'm both gender and math confused
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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