your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Damn victory sex feels great
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
