i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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