you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
What changed your mind?
Being sober
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize