I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
