if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize